preciouslittletime

Hello, I wanted to take a bit to discuss Where Nothing Is Red. Mostly the process, the lore, and my own thoughts. This is very long, doesn’t make a ton of sense, and probably is lacking in a major way. But either way….here we go…

THE PROCESS

When rarepair fest announced round two, I decided pretty early on how much I wanted to participate. Some of my favorite fics came from round one of this fest, so it was cool to see the level of excitement surrounding it. Initially, no prompt had jumped out at me except for a shorter Wonwoo/Seokmin and a Half Of It 97s prompt that I decided might be too long for me to write - in the end I was concerned that a second letter writing themed prompt would be too much considering I had claimed the To All The Boys I Loved Before au for another fest.

The prompt that eventually became Where Nothing Is Red jumped out at me at the last moment. I saw it and quickly came up with a plot - this plot was scrapped two months later.

Originally, the plot was this: 

Scene One: Minghao would be a working artist (not famous) and would meet Seokmin at a gallery display of his own work. Jun would be there, acting as wingman, because a guy kept looking at Minghao from across the room. Minghao would go over, meet Seokmin, and Jun would suggest Seokmin and Minghao walk home together because of a series of violent attacks in Seoul.

Scene Two: The two of them would end up taking a long walk around the city and do a lot of talking. In this version, nobody new vampires existed. So this conversation would be the foreshadowing that something was different about Seokmin.

Scene Three: Minghao and Seokmin are dating. This would be their second/third date. Essentially just a gap scene to establish that they had real feelings for one another and that Seokmin is very sweet, but also that Seokmin could never meet up during the day because of “work”.

Scene Four: Minghao and Seokmin at Minghao’s apartment, in a relationship. Minghao would be sketching Seokmin (similar to the scene in the actual fic where Minghao is sketching Seokmin’s mouth). This would establish that Seokmin acts strangely whenever Minghao wants to draw him. Also, a scene where they end up attempting to have sex, but Seokmin stops them (won’t open his eyes a bit like the scene in the fic where Minghao gets in his lap in the studio). This would set up the following scene.

Scene Five: Throughout this plot, the attacks in Seoul would be referenced several times. Seokmin shows up at Minghao’s door covered in blood and admits he’s the one attacking people (Another version would be that Minghao catches him in the act). Essentially Seokmin is running from police and doesn’t know where else to go, so he comes to Minghao, comes clean about being a vampire. Minghao would struggle with this, but ultimately realize that because he loves Seokmin, this doesn’t change his feelings.

Scene Six: More information about vampirism, Minghao and Seokmin at Minghao’s, Minghao offers for Seokmin to drink from him so he doesn’t have to rely on hunting. Seokmin would be experiencing “side effects” of not having blood. Seokmin would initially refuse, but Minghao would be insistent enough he agrees.

Scene Seven: Minghao sketching Seokmin again. Seokmin admits he doesn’t know what he looks like. Gap/set-up scene for following scene.

Scene Eight: Minghao painting Seokmin (Imagine all 22k of Minghao observing Seokmin from the fic except condensed into one scene).

Scene Nine: Final establishing scene. Minghao and Seokmin settled in to their routine. Blood drinking scene plus Minghao’s studio filled with paintings and drawings of Seokmin. (I considered a spicy naked drawing scene).

So, with that original plot in mind I started working. Because I had other fests to work on first, I was mostly approaching this initial draft by just finding vibes: looking at things on Pinterest, finding songs and poems. I wanted to lead in with a poem, and I cannot even describe to you the amount of time I spent looking for one (weeks, literally weeks). I kept getting caught on the Caitlyn Siehl poem “Start Here” and it drove me crazy, because I wanted to find something about painting (I considered Neruda and another poem). The Siehl poem worked alright, but it didn’t quite catch the vibe I wanted.

As I got closer to writing, I realized the undertaking I had in front of me. The second scene where they walked around at night was going to be a monster (no pun intended) because of the dialogue. It would be an info dump, as would scene five and six, because not only would this be strangers to lovers, but Minghao would go from not knowing vampires existed to having been in a relationship with one for months. 

The other issue was Minghao’s characterization and the reveal that Seokmin is a vampire. As much as I wanted to write Minghao as being a romantic and deeply emotional person, he’s also very logical and reserved. I could not imagine him finding out that his boyfriend is a monster who viciously attacks people (even though Seokmin in this plot always dropped his victims at the door of the same hospital, bless his heart). I kept thinking, Minghao would not accept this information right away, Minghao would still love him but he would need to take time after the reveal and potentially see that the danger outweighs his feelings.

So…I was sitting on the couch one day with my husband, sometime around mid-October, when I realized: maybe Minghao would have an easier time accepting Seokmin if he already knew vampires existed. But then I thought, well if he already knows about vampires, then all the meet-cute stuff wouldn’t be as interesting because it’s purpose is setting up the eventual reveal. My husband just happened to be watching some historical drama and there was a portrait sitting scene. And the idea struck me that maybe I just have Seokmin flat out commission Minghao to paint him.

Then came the restructuring. A theme I wanted to focus on in the original plot was “man versus monster” so I decided to keep that theme running. I also used the Siehl poem (obviously) and let that direct me. I decided I wanted to do a situation of forced cohabitation to accelerate the relationship. If Seokmin lived in Seoul and came to Minghao’s studio for sittings, it wouldn’t create the emotional intensity I wanted and I could easily get it from Minghao having to stay with Seokmin due to Seokmin’s circumstances. So I did a lot of research and settled on Jeju for Seokmin’s house (I wanted to have Seokmin live coastal but the sun would set over the ocean) because anywhere else Minghao would have a relatively easy time reaching him and coming home in between sittings. I spent a lot of time deciding on Sinchang (less populated, western coast, dramatic landscape due to the volcanic rock rather than sandy beaches) and decided that Minghao would use oil paint to slow down the painting process enough for their relationship to develop. And then it was time to outline…

I used my storyboarding technique where I wrote out scenes that I wanted on post-its, hung them up on the wall, and filled in the gaps with other scenes. I also wrote a little bit out of order. The first scenes I wrote were the actual first few scenes from where Seungkwan calls to where Minghao arrives at Seokmin’s and has dinner, but then skipped ahead to Minghao watching the woman come over for Seokmin to drink and then the three scenes following. This...was a massive mistake. 

I ended up rewriting and restructuring so much about this fic. I “finished” it about three times, “finished my edit” about five times, and then still ended up changing some details literally two hours before the fic was posted. 

Some of the biggest changes to scenes were: 

The scene in the second chapter where Minghao says “ah yes here, this is where you loved him”, was actually a fully realized scene set in the first chapter where Minghao sketches Seokmin for the first time. Instead of sketching him in the studio, he sketches him while they’re just sitting and watching tv. It was going to establish Seokmin’s emotional side, but I decided to restructure the scene to be about Minghao realizing how easy Seokmin is to talk to and that Seokmin is weirdly nervous about being drawn.

The scene where Seokmin confronts Minghao about watching him drink from the woman. Before, Seokmin did not confront him until after they’d already kissed for the first time. Instead, all the scenes prior to the kiss and after the feeding scene were very tense. There was also a scene where Minghao and Seokmin almost kiss before Minghao goes to bed after he draws Seokmin’s teeth.

The scene with Seokmin feeding Minghao the orange was not originally in the plot structure, but was added as the moment Minghao realizes how familiar they are. We’ll come back to the orange.

I had to have sooooo much hand holding through this process. Ria and Kim listened to ideas, were sent snippets, and sometimes even whole chapters. Alice helped out by making sure the blood drinking scene wasn’t too gory. Rye and I talked about oil painting to make sure I was getting painting details correct. Billy and Tori beta’d, edited, and made me feel better. I’m so grateful to them all.

THE LORE

I did quite a bit of research and worldbuilding I did for the vampire lore. I wanted to base the lore off of Jiangshi (or “vampires” from Chinese folklore) rather than simply western vampire tropes. 

Jiangshi actually feed off qi, so I adapted that into this fic by Seokmin only being able to drink straight from a person. Jiangshi are also more reanimated corpses than they are vampires, and so that was the next building block. In this universe, vampires can’t be turned, they are people that die under bad circumstances and come back to life. I liked this detail for the way it adds uncertainty to their relationship because there’s no “endgame” where Seokmin grapples with turning Minghao and then they eventually spend eternity together. Also, none of the normal things repel Seokmin. His only weakness is sunlight (just causes him insane pain, won’t kill him) and fire is the only way to kill him (but like...it kills normal people so). All of this (including the lack of a reflection) establishes the idea that it’s a curse rather than a virus or whatever. That’s the most important point: vampires are cursed and it’s sad.

I didn’t want to go with a full True Blood moment by making it known that vampires were real. In this scenario, sometimes around the early to mid-1800’s a king or somebody important (I never got into the details) came back to life after being murdered. This essentially exposed the whole vampire thing. As mentioned in the fic, they are essentially a marginalized group, lack rights, and have a lot of restrictions. And, while people know they exist, because they can’t be turned, it does make them really, really rare. People know certain things about them, but they are a mystery and they tend to keep to themselves out of self-preservation. There are communities, sure, but they lay low. Soonyoung talks about neighborhoods in Seoul where it’s known that vampires reside, but the vampires who live there aren’t broadcasting that they’re vampires (like there are definitely bars/clubs that are operated and patronized by vampires, but it’s not common knowledge and not advertised that way).

One thing that isn’t mentioned in the fic explicitly are the side effects. Seokmin mentions that in particular he can go a few weeks before he needs to have blood and it’s true that all vampires are different. Minghao knows that if Seokmin doesn’t eat he’ll get “bloodlust”, but it goes a bit deeper than that. The less “qi” Seokmin borrows from a human being that is present in his body, means he’s less human. So basically, Seokmin fills up the proverbial human energy gas tank, and as it depletes, he becomes less human. These direct side effects aren’t just that he’ll want blood, it’ll mean he’s a straight up monster. Black eyes all the time instead of just when he’s “hunting” and fully just attacking people that look like they’ll taste good. This also means he runs the risk of accidentally killing somebody while he feeds off of them. And moreover, when any vampire reaches this state, it’s not like they drink once and it’s gone. It takes a bit for them to regain their humanity depending on how long it’s gone on.

And on the last note, the feeding. By removing blood bags and animal blood from the equation, it emphasizes that all vampires are actual predators. Even the “nice” ones can’t avoid having to “hunt” and hurt people (although most of them are nice, like I said, the qi just makes them act pretty much normal). This underground world of vampires and their little communities means people have found workarounds. Vampires with money can pay humans to allow them to feed (the woman who allows Seokmin to drink from her is that type of person, she makes a TON of money, and only works for Seokmin). Vampires without money or a permanent person to feed off of just have to hunt. Obviously the best option is for them to remain anonymous aka attack people at random. This also means that younger vampires that don’t have guidance or have just turned are more likely to attack frequently, viciously, and accidentally kill the people they feed from. 

In this case, Seokmin is relatively old. In fact, one unstated thing is that Seokmin is one of the oldest still-living vampires in Korea. It wasn’t stated because Seokmin doesn’t acknowledge it, but I do have later plans to revisit this story where I will expand on this. There are “politics” in the vampire community and due to Seokmin’s age, he is highly respected. So if the sequel ever happens, and Seokmin comes to Seoul, Minghao will realize a whole other side to the vampire lore here that he hasn’t been exposed to yet.

THE FIC

This was one of the first times with a fic I really wanted to focus on the deeper themes first and write around them. Sometimes (and I’m sure you can tell based on what I’ve posted on ao3) I don’t really make my work all that deep. This was an exception. 

I really, really wanted to make it special.

Man v. Monster: now I don’t mean this in the literary conflict sense. More in the sense of Seokmin’s duality. I specifically worked to make the first chapter more about Seokmin as a person, with only references to his vampire qualities, so Minghao would fall in love with the man first. That’s why we get all the way to the end of part one before Minghao is confronted with the fact that Seokmin is a predator and then the second part explores him falling in love with that part too. Because Seokmin is both of these things. The lore pushes that narrative. He is a predator, he is a monster, but does that make him any less of a man? Minghao, in this case, would say no. Seokmin would say yes. 

Consumption and Sustaining The Body: Food plays a major role here and moreso, feeding a person as a love language. Seokmin wants to feed Minghao as a way to show his care and devotion. Minghao wants to feed Seokmin to show the same. 

The Oranges: Mrs. Kim has the line in part one that says “The oranges. Don’t let them fool you, they’re sweeter than most.” There’s a deeper theme with the oranges, peeling back the layer, consuming what’s inside. When Seokmin peels the orange and feeds it to Minghao, it’s symbolic of his being laid bare, I think. And better yet, it’s the way that Minghao is completely enthralled by the way Seokmin feeds him the pieces that gets reflected in the last major scene where Minghao is enthralled by the way he feeds Seokmin.

Paint: Choosing for Minghao to work with oil was, as I said, more to do with my own needs to extend their time together. Later, it became more of a serious reflection of Minghao building the reflection of Seokmin. Somebody pointed out in a comment that the trajectory of Minghao’s progress matches the progress of their relationship and that was pretty unintentional, but definitely a cool parallel to draw. I did a lot of research into oil painting and the techniques. I am not an artist by any means, but one thing that struck me was how the portrait artists I watched worked with vague blocks of color and seemed to carve out the details from them. It looks very different from how I’m used to seeing people draw or paint. And I definitely could be talking out of my ass here, but I thought that was an important detail to capture for the sake of the theme. Minghao sees Seokmin in his most generalized form both as a man and as a monster. He sees a really strikingly handsome person and he sees the teeth, but as time goes on, he finds the detail in both and categorizes them accordingly. He tries his best to reflect to Seokmin what he sees in him by the end, the love he feels for him and the lack of fear that he has. And like that “union on canvas” part says, Minghao ends up placing himself in the painting.

Trust: One thing with Seokmin’s characterization, is that he is an incredibly trusting and empathetic person. Minghao on the other hand, is just as empathetic, but far more reserved. I wanted Seokmin’s openness and willingness to trust a complete stranger to play a large role here in guiding their relationship. Minghao finds it easy to be open and trust because he’s only reflecting Seokmin’s trust. Like, god, can you imagine not knowing what you looked like? And then after 500 years you ask a total stranger to finally show you? There’s gravity to that. And later, there’s gravity to Minghao wanting Seokmin to feed off of him. Seokmin is horrified by what he has to do to people in order to survive, but their trust in one another brings an intensity to the exchange that flips both of their perceptions. Lastly, the betrayal of trust that occurs when Minghao watches Seokmin feed. There’s gravity to that too, and only builds their relationship into something airtight because Seokmin forgives him so quickly. 

Loneliness: As a narrator, Minghao only hints at his own loneliness, but sees so much of it in Seokmin. I wanted them to be as isolated as possible (Mrs. Kim and Seungkwan are the only two with real dialogue and it’s sparse on purpose, especially with Seokmin). Seokmin wants to be alone because he thinks it’s what’s safest both for him, and other people. Minghao’s loneliness comes from the distance of a canvas. He’s able to read people so acutely, but lacks a level of emotional closeness with anyone that even comes close to what he has with Seokmin after a month. That’s why he falls so quickly. 

I feel almost like my words are falling short trying to describe just how much I poured my heart into this fic. I did a lot of research into vampire lore, the town of Sinchang (which yes does have a bunch of wind turbines off the coast), and oil painting. It was such a labor of love and probably the longest I’ve ever spent writing something compared to the word count. Every piece of feedback I’ve received has been so special and I’m so grateful. Thank you everyone for reading it. And I hope one day I can revisit these two and the life they eventually come to share with one another.